I focus on the early years because I feel that they form the roots of a child’s life. This time is the intersection of autonomy and connection. They need something to push against so that they can confirm in their bodies that they are indeed a separate being from mom or dad. They will push and push until they hit a boundary . This assures them that they are safe and connected. By establishing strong boundaries parents can set the tone for many years to come. To do this successfully I encourage parents to develop a calm voice of authority. This means not ending each request with a question mark. You’re not asking a toddler for input, you are giving them clear instructions that they are able to follow. This helps them to feel contained and willing to give it a try. Authoritative parents can be described as nurturing, responsive and supportive in their interactions with their children and they balance that warmth with consistent limit setting. This is the foundation of healthy boundaries.